So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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