She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
