I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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