I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
