I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
