I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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