Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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