Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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