you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize