it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The power of my boobs compel you
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