Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
