dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
