I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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