the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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