Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
