I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
where are my eyebrows?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
