oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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