I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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