College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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