Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize