I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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