Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drake has all the answers
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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