if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
