Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
