We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
