well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Semen is not good for contacts.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
