I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
