I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
