Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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