I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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