Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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