I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
