just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
