I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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