They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
