Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
