sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
