There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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