We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
