He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
