I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
