she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
