It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
