i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
