Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
