One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
