...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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