I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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