That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
