His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
