What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
