I want to make a zoo with you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
