Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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