my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
