omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why can't burritos get me drunk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
