ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
