I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
