He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
