Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
