**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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