look no pants
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
