i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize