My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
