who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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