He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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