after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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