I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
