I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
