Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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