just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
