Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
