cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
