so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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