The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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