Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
