i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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