how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
