ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
