I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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